On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
