I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
