FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
