did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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