Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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