Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I wish you could order shots online.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
