i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
