Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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