just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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