he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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