Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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