Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
