Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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