Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
