haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
