he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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