is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
