people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
