this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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