Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
