I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
