I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
