my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
