I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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