We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
