Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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