I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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