Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
