anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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