but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
