I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
