my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
