I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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