This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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