I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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