so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
