I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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