I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
