I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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