You're my little dorito
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
