Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
how drunk are you?
Several
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
