Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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