dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
