She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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