I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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