There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
