I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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