how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
