eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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