Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
