my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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