If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
