kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
