I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
