Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
