do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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